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-   -   New funnies (http://angband.oook.cz/forum/showthread.php?t=6541)

caruso January 22, 2014 21:45

New funnies
 
It's about time to make some additions to the Funnies, don't you think so? :) Here are some suggestions:

OT: Experienced Stone Soup players should also take a look at the Funny suggestions for Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup :)

ekolis January 23, 2014 05:42

TIL V has an "emote" command...

caruso April 12, 2015 16:26


MattB April 12, 2015 17:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by caruso (Post 89129)

I think that's my favourite.
Thanks for reminding me of those, Caruso!

Nomad April 12, 2015 18:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by ekolis (Post 89134)
TIL V has an "emote" command...

...Well, this is going to completely change the way I format my note-taking in character dumps. :D

caruso January 11, 2017 16:22

Realistic bureaucracy in roguelikes 1 | 2

Happy New Year everybody! :)

caruso December 22, 2018 17:55


Pete Mack December 22, 2018 19:05

Here are my two such contributions:
You hit the orange orc.

Jamband announcement.
But this doesn't hold a candle to Rocketband, which is an actual variant released on April 1st:l, 2016.
http://angband.oook.cz/forum/showthr...ght=Rocketband

fph December 23, 2018 14:31

@Pete Mack: the Jamband link doesn't work

Sideways December 23, 2018 22:48

Some highlights from the angband.live chat... (lightly edited with spelling fixes and removal of unrelated messages)

--

Holy_Rage: I must stop playing FA-related games!
Holy_Rage: I just had a client on the phone, Mr. Cristobal
Holy_Rage: and I called him Mr. Orcobal!
Holy_Rage: *facepalm*
Quirk: As long as you didn't try to kill him I think friendly relations can be restored

--

bostock: Somehow mistook the Cloning Pits for my house
Gorbad: I was wondering about that yes
bostock: walked out of there before you could say < Y
Gorbad: first I thought 'you're going to die'
bostock: Hope I'm not missing out on too much by failing the quest
Gorbad: well... the good news is... you will encounter all those uniques anyway
rodent: you survived the Cloning Pits when Gwarl did not, that gives you bragging rights
bostock: To have been a fly on the wall in that scene
bostock: Blue Mage goes back to town, nips a flask of cognac from a townsperson
bostock: chugs it down
bostock: blunders into the Cloning Pits
bostock: "Hey, THIS isn't my house!"
bostock: checks out

--

Gwarl: don't yell at me
Gwarl: I'm going to spend some time restructuring my dev environment
Gwarl: (cleaning my room)

--

Gwarl: wow
Gwarl: you have fifteen cats!
Gwarl: how did this come to be?
MITZE: We don't fix our cats until it's too late
MITZE: also we attract strays
MITZE: or are given them
Gwarl: yeah but
Gwarl: most people draw a line at some point
Gwarl: clearly you don't
Gwarl: that's admirable

--

LogicalImp: where are you hunting Gwarl?
kh: Generally I hunt Gwarl in the angband.live chat
LogicalImp: rofl
MITZE: He is quite commonly found there
kh: he seems to have a fairly high spawn rate there yes
MITZE: except when something needs fixed
kh: yes then he moons you and teleports away of course

--

Holy_Rage: Fundin, son of Financin, famous Dwarven banker. You are the pride of your family. You have mortgaged half of the starting town's shops. You have a large nose, dark hair and a large moneypouch.

--

Holy_Rage: I am sure your Sergeant will find the Halls of Mandos awaiting for him with honour and reprieve from his ordeal.
LogicalImp: Aye, I'm sure he will. I know he was a very avid WoW player, but we all end up there some day.
Holy_Rage: Imagine if we meet all the @s we have sent there...
Holy_Rage: Awaiting to mob us!
LogicalImp: If we did I would feel sorry for Hugo

--

Holy_Rage: Feeling solid
Holy_Rage: Though in honour of my -very- patient mentor, rodent, i won't battle Morgoth if he is not around. Provided that I reach that stage.
kh: very hard to battle Morgoth if he is not around

--

kh: to be fair there are a lot of good ways to enjoy pain
kh: like playing angband, or spicy food, or practicing bdsm, or raising kids

--

Holy_Rage: 5th death on DL1 in a row
Holy_Rage: wow.
Holy_Rage: playing real bad I think
rodent: it sometimes happens that when you start dying you keep dying
wobbly: short of medical aid that is usually true

--

roushguy: ... wow
roushguy: I have no idea what *band to play.
Gwarl: what are you into
LogicalImp: That's the joy of it! Play them all!
Gwarl: (nobody has played them all. possibly clouded has)
roushguy: I don't even know.
Gwarl: there are different dimensions. tightly focused, or large and expansive?
Gwarl: consistent lore, or kitchen sink?
roushguy: uh
rodent: (you will answer five or six questions, and at the end Gwarl will recommend that you play Oangband, even though no one else plays it)

--

Gwarl: I'm fighting the urge to depressionpost everywhere. I could probably get away with it as captain of this ship but this is such a nice place. I don't want to ruin it
LogicalImp: Gwarl, we are all here for you!
Gwarl: yes and I want to keep it that way lol

--

Quirk: who sets up their anvil next to the Brambles of Confusion?
Quirk: even orcs aren't that dumb
Flyingpants: well i mean, how do you kill them
BostocksAlt: 28 terrible forge placements
BostocksAlt: #18 will make you facepalm!

--

Gwarl: yeah I don't know how to unzip the split archive
rodent: you need to join the two "zips" into one zip and unzip the big zip
BostocksAlt: we're nerds, we don't know anything about unzipping

--

Gwarl: now I'm confused, fighting the variant maintainer, who is also confused, and there are software bugs everywhere

--

kh: okay why did the ironman angband player forget how his game went
kh: because he couldn't recall

--

Fnord: Duelists can't dual wield?
Gwarl: well
Gwarl: they aren't dualists
BostocksAlt: The dualist hits you! You feel the conflict between the material and the spiritual

--

BostocksAlt: hmm, tough decision, potionmasters are more fun but scrollmasters are weirder

--

bostock: Octodad the Orc has managed to generate so much loot I have to leave and unload
bostock: A surprising but effective strategy for lengthening his lifespan

--

Gwarl: I honestly don't understand why anyone would defend java
Gwarl: you must have stockholm syndrome

--

bostock: You have a Light Blue Mushroom (b). You feel very naive. How impatient! You have no more Mushrooms of Naivety in your pack. Orcobal the Mighty says, 'Has your folly led to this?'

--

Your Time hound breathes Time at Saruman of Many Colours. Saruman of Many Colours seems weakened. Saruman of Many Colours says, 'Time? What time do you think we have?'

--

BostocksAlt: Ghatanothoa dies. You just completed your quest! A magical staircase appears...-more-
BostocksAlt: cl27, dl37
Fnord: You're pretty nuts, bostock. Did I ever mention that?
BostocksAlt: Wow! You feel very self-confident! Welcome to level 28. The voice of Chardros booms out: 'My pets, destroy the arrogant mortal!'

--

BostocksUgar: Jack of Shadows just stole my rod of illumination
BostocksUgar: this should be canon

--

wobbly is now watching
wobbly: what does this mace do, hmm. let me just jump in a pool of lava

--

bostock: time to do debby
Fnord: I hate loot destroying things though
bostock: i am a loot destroying thing
Fnord: No you're not: I don't hate you. Qed.
bostock: this lady has bad breath

--

BostocksAlt: for godknowswhat reason
BostocksAlt: numenor has a tendency to just randomly spawn clone-of-locke pits
BostocksAlt: As Tolkien wrote in The Secret Unpublished Silmarillion:
BostocksAlt: "Numenor is full of anime characters"

--

Fnord: What's your goal with rodentband?
rodent: I want to upturn world order and bring about the fall of mankind and the robot takeover
BostocksAlt: sounds reasonable

--

Nemo: crash :-(
rodent: crashed under the weight of all the bostocks
Nemo: It would be nice if someone could restore my file. If not I'll redo the level
Nemo: @rodent has bostock been cloning himself
rodent: yes
rodent: not sure how I feel about bostock clones taking over the world, it's better than rule by normal humans I suppose
BostocksUgar: I promise to be nice to the normies
BostocksUgar: and to only generate Clone of Bostock pits in Numenor

--

kobold: luring people into antisummoning corridors is hard when you're stealthier than god
BostocksAlt: that's pretty stealthy
BostocksAlt: never seen the guy

--

BostocksAlt: You are shocked. Shocked, I tell you!

--

BostocksUgar: The Yeek President is a thief
BostocksUgar: I never knew
vertigoalt: he probably casts Trump magic too :P
vertigoalt: like that Plausible Deniability spell, or Invoke Alternative Facts

--

Gwarl: losing that pet was like 1/4 as feelbad as losing a character
rodent: so if you lose another 3 pets like that, you'll get all the feelbad of losing a character without having to actually lose a character
BostocksAlt: "new plan for gwarl"

--

bostock: where are you?
rodent: war on drujs
bostock: just say no to drujs
bostock: the silly canadians are legalizing drujs
bostock: but they'll regret it
Gwarl: when they get double-whirlpooled

--

[20:04] bostock: You have The Pair of Dragon Wings 'Terminater' [4,+20] (+2) {St;Li;RfLv[ET} (t).
[21:42] bostock: You have The Set of Dragon Gloves 'Hithlomir' [4,+20] (+2) {StCn;AcPoCa;Lv[MT(Cn} (v).
[23:02] bostock: The Pair of Dragon Wings of Arvedui [4,+20] {NtSoDi;LvWr[T}
[...]
[01:50] bostock: Dragon Quest (Angwil) (Level 42): Here's a little something extra for you. You have a Pair of Dragon Wings [4,+10] {ElPoNtNx;Lv} (q).
[01:50] bostock: But they're not complete
[01:50] Gwarl: those certainly are
[01:50] Gwarl: dragon wings
[01:50] bostock: still lacking that [T
[01:50] Gwarl: yes
[01:50] Gwarl: go put it on them
[01:52] bostock: this
[01:52] bostock: i
[01:52] bostock: i should play the lottery
[01:52] bostock: You have The Pair of Dragon Wings of Caspanion [4,+19] {ElPoNtNx;Lv[ET}
[01:53] Gwarl: ahahahaha
[01:53] Gwarl: I'm sorry
[01:53] Gwarl: it shouldn't be funny
[01:53] Gwarl: lol yes it should
[...]
[04:05] bostock: You drop The Wizardstaff of the Rohirrim (1d2) (+14,+5) {Dm[T/*U}.
[...]
[17:40] bostock: ok one more try
[17:45] bostock: You have The Pair of Dragon Wings 'Red Belet' [4,+16] (+4) {Dx;AcElNt;Lv[T A:Lightning Strike} (u).

--

kobold: bring compos into the modern era by adding a quest where you kill the ghost of steve jobs
bostock: if you bring your roguelike into the modern era do you get a free tech?
bostock: or is that only in Roguelikemaintainer IV?
rodent: only if no one else's roguelike has done it first
bostock: You have completed The Speed System!
bostock: *dramatic music plays*
bostock: *still image appears because creating a video is too much work*

--

kobold: gwarl you should do the alpha go-getter move and remove pcb from the list
Nivim: Gwarl should do the alpha-go getter move and have a chess-based variant.

--

Fnord: Not blaming the US, the entire world is like that (and in some places far worse)!
Fnord: And not "blaming" per se. Just calling them insane.

--

bostock: clubber demons should discochant

--

bostock: Also why am I suddenly a brute
MITZE: because virtues
bostock: You behold the eldritch visage of virtues!
bostock: You are confused!

--

wobbly: If you ever get tired of the virtue system. You can reuse it as a sarcastic talking sword

--

bostock: Man Hera is really not interested in sitting around and getting killed
rodent: what an unsporting attitude
bostock: terrible mom
bostock: Achievement unlocked: matricide
bostock: all in a day's work on Mt. Olympus

--

Gwarl: but yeah there are other spells, mana storm is not even the penultimate spell never mind ultimate one
Gwarl: plus you also get polymorph self
Gwarl: if you're into that sort of thing
bostock: "He had a hot body and all, but he was into... you know... [whispers] *polymorph self*"

--

Gwarl: so mitze. in the timed you gained two levels I had two death paladins past level 30 and killed both
MITZE: Yeah sounds right
MITZE: The important bit though
Gwarl: I will probably lap you a third time before long
MITZE: is that I'm still alive, whereas you have died twice
Gwarl: yes but you're missing some vital information
Gwarl: this character
Gwarl: is the one
MITZE: uh huh
MITZE: considering your track record
Gwarl: I'll kill the J and never have to prove myself again
MITZE: forgive me for remaining
MITZE: unconvinced
Gwarl: how dare you question the veracity of the one true run
Fnord: Are you calling the character J?

--

MITZE: our resident fatcat decided he wanted in my lap
bostock: MITZE hopes to be the living embodiment of the tortoise from The Tortoise and the Hare
bostock: meanwhile, however, even a cat is lapping him

--

bostock: Olog partyyy
Gwarl: don't have olog parties
Gwarl: there are rocks
bostock: are there rolls?
[...]
bostock: these ologs are kinda led zeppelin
bostock: they are
bostock: dazed and confused

--

Hugo: Well...probably not Polearmaster anymore...That Kell 77's opportunity...but she's dead already...I'm with Kell 85 now...so I'll probably go with Swordmastery to go along with the maxxed Marital Arts this time around
[...]
Gwarl: I see from the message history that Hugo has maxed marital arts skills
Gwarl: he's not getting screwed in a divorce

--

konijn_: Hmmm, how about an ergonomic variant that reduces keypresses, could call it WristBand ;)

--

BostocksUgar: luckily alchemists OP
BostocksUgar: (please don't nerf them please)
rodent: I nerfed them before they were even introduced, they're a lot more op in poschengband-r
murphy: i feel like the word nerf is used heavily in this community
BostocksUgar: if PCB had a nerf ball gun
BostocksUgar: rodent would probably nerf it

--

OmniNegro: Sleep well before rodent nerfs your bed into a pit full of spikes.

--

rodent: don't die to the cyclops
Gwarl: wow
Gwarl: I died to the cyclops
[...]
Gwarl: why did I die to the cyclops
Gwarl: just as rodent told me not to
Gwarl: sigh
bostock: you showed him who's boss :P

--

MITZE: "Your position seems very uncertain."
rodent: does that mean you know more about your momentum

--

Gwarl: my priest capped his riding skill because it caps so low
Gwarl: but my mount killed a huge bunch of stuff I'm sure
Gwarl: so idk what to do with it and I need mitze's advice
Gwarl: because I can't ignore it and do what I was going to anyway unless he gives me considered advice

--

Gwarl: ugh I hate fiendish donkeys
rodent: at least the variant maintainer doesn't summon them
rodent: (yet)
Nivim: (A unique that summoned them would probably be an ass.)
bostock: This place is a barrel of laughs today
bostock: So do we need a new unique, Jack of Asses?

--

Gwarl: you should blame nick IMO
Holy_Rage: nick?
Holy_Rage: nick marshall?
Holy_Rage: what for?
Gwarl: nick mcconnell
Gwarl: for bugs in vanilla
rodent: (though he probably won't complain if you blame some other nick instead)

--

BostocksAlt: gertrude was very rude
Gwarl: show me where on the doll she disenchanted you

--

Prandar: rune swords are fun tho
Prandar: but no SI and FA
Prandar: i'll store it
bostock: not sure it's
bostock: drum roll please
bostock: worth the aggravation

--

bostock: a sexy swimsuit of elemental protection :)
rodent: you could mundanize it
bostock: just after you said that i found a scroll of mundanity
rodent: it's a sign
[...]
bostock: targeting could be vastly improved
bostock: gwarl improve it for me
bostock: now
Gwarl: bostock is secretly kobold confirmed
bostock: :D
Fnord: bostock doesn't fucking swear about shit enough to be kobold.
bostock: i need to up my game
bostock: You see a Hard Leather Cap of the Kobold (+0,+2) [2,+10] (+1) {St;-Ch;Po}.
bostock: it's a sign

--

Gwarl: I blame kt
kt: Why blame me??
bostock: it's convenient
rodent: it comes with doing things, if you do things, you get the blame
rodent: and if you then don't do things you'll still get the blame
kt: of course
bostock: that's why it's safest to never have any accomplishments

--

BostocksUgar: The closest thing to a RIP I suffered today was when a green glutton ghost in Warrens came out of nowhere (naturally) and ate my Smeagol corpse
BostocksUgar: I would write "RIP Smeagol corpse" but that seems unlikely

--

Holy_Rage: I am simply thinking I am doing well
Holy_Rage: and trying to convince myself not to mess up as I approach the throne room
rodent: not messing up is a good plan imo
Holy_Rage: Very close to not taking damage
Holy_Rage: a close 2nd
BostocksUgar: see, this is where the amateurs fail
BostocksUgar: first they mess up
BostocksUgar: then they take damage
Gwarl: not true
Gwarl: I generally take damage first
Gwarl: then mess up

--

Prandar: The Club 'Blue Steele' (1d5) (+12,+7) Prevents Teleportation Random Teleportation
Gwarl: great artifact name though
Prandar: yeah, aren't clubs made of wood?
BostocksUgar: not country clubs
BostocksUgar: those are made of countries
Prandar: sounds like a solid material
Gwarl: night clubs have innate darkness brand

--

Gloomshroud: OMG LOLOLOLOL
Gloomshroud: My cursor floated on my screen
Gloomshroud: And I thought it was an Insect Swarm
Gloomshroud: I was trying to kill my mouse cursor
Gwarl: nice
Gloomshroud: I feel about half stupid right now
Gloomshroud: Shooting arrows at my cursor :/

--

BostocksUgar: could it be that it kept exploding after death and i kept re-killing it?
rodent: I would think there'd be some kind of safeguard against that because it would happen too often otherwise, but I don't know if an unusual situation like readied shot might change things
rodent: most monster processes quit if the monster's already dead which is why two internet exploders can't make each other explode repeatedly in an infinite loop
rodent: (although it would be more realistic if they could do that)

--

BostocksUgar: arthur too falls to the almighty trout
rodent: trouts op
BostocksUgar: they must be killgore trouts

--

BostocksUgar: it's not the op cap of seeing
Gwarl: I should never say anything in chat again
Gwarl: then nothing else can be used against me
rodent: but we like using things against you!

--

kobold: time to look up which dungeon guardian gives most xp
kobold: cthulhu and vecna got posses so that's not viable
kobold: does zeus?? who knows
kobold: shoot zeus for xp
BostocksUgar: i see no flaws in this plan
kobold: it's flawless
rodent: you cannot see the flaws because they aren't there
kobold: keep killing tiamat's posse and then recalling
kobold: for easy access to a bunch of dragons
BostocksUgar: I sometimes do that with Mughash's posse
BostocksUgar: except instead of dragons, they're kobolds
BostocksUgar: and instead of killing the posse only, i kill mughash too
BostocksUgar: and instead of recalling, i pregenerate
rodent: and instead of bags of xp, you get the warm feeling of cheating the system
BostocksUgar: yes
BostocksUgar: rodent always remembers the key points i forget

--

rodent_debug: I wonder what the townsmen will think when they enter the crypt after you're done with it and find all these extra doors
BostocksUgar: :D
BostocksUgar: "converted to law office"

--

kobold: so i've got two angry black reavers playing defense for this archlich
BostocksUgar: nowadays we call them african-american reavers, thank you very much

--

wobbly: Hugo is a player who fights with honour
Hugo: thanks
BostocksUgar: hey i fight with honor too
BostocksUgar: honor usually loses

--

Thurl: It's clear that things like this were why the mine was abandoned in the first place; workers getting disintegrated and mana stormed and they couldn't just keep hiring quality labor like that.

--

bostock: but, i'm being rude, i'm sorry
bostock: it's your game
MITZE: (Don't worry about it)
MITZE: (I was being mock-angry)
rodent: telling everybody else how to play is part of angband.live, at least you're not dying repeatedly in your own games while you do it
MITZE: Yeah
bostock: wait
bostock: i am
bostock: but then, snark is also a part of angband.live
MITZE: If I really got annoyed about that stuff I wouldn't be playing on here
MITZE: What's the point of being able to spectate people's games if you can't tell them "YOURE DOING IT WRONG!"?
bostock: you might as well not even spectate
bostock: if you're not going to do that
bostock: but the real art is to kibitz while not spectating
bostock: that's my focus

--

MITZE: Hey all
Gwarl: mitze they are bullying me make them stop
MITZE: Good job guys, keep it up

--

Gwarl: death magic shouldn't have to suffer just because necros exist
Gwarl: make necros suffer instead
Gwarl: if someone has to
MITZE: If someone has to
MITZE: you do it
MITZE: you suffer
Gwarl: noooo
Gwarl: whyyyy
rodent: you are the Jesus of Angband
rodent: you suffer so the rest of us don't have to
rodent: (don't expect us to worship you though)
bostock: We will however take your name in vain

--

Fnord: Night Rage, Quirk
Fnord: And by Talos, you were annoying
Fnord: *bye
Fnord: Important correction! I wasn't swearing by Talos! I was addressing him ;p


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