Thread: New funnies
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Old January 2, 2020, 00:02   #11
MITZE
Adept
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Pennsylvania, United States
Posts: 119
MITZE is on a distinguished road
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Honestly, most of these are probably just me finding my own jokes funnier than they actually are, but I figure that someone else might find some value in these excerpts anyway.

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[09:48] bostock: but yes, i don't argue with design decisions in Halo or Bejeweled
[09:48] bostock: as they don't speak to me
[09:49] bostock: whereas CPB does
[09:49] MITZE: What does it say bostock
[09:49] MITZE: What sweet nothings does it whisper in your ear
[09:50] bostock: i really painted myself into a corner here
[09:50] bostock: i uh
[09:50] bostock: don't know
[09:50] MITZE: go on

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[20:42] nocheddar: Why are scrolls in the Alchemy Shop and not the book store or magic store? This grinds my gears.
[20:42] Chitlins: scrolls are made by dissolving a book in acid and then precipitating them out of the solution
[20:42] Chitlins: it's an alchemical process
[20:43] nocheddar: Ah, of course. I forgot all about that.

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[02:01] MITZE: WHAT
[02:01] MITZE: Game spawned two (2) player ghosts on this level!
[02:02] MITZE: both PleaseGamedontNu
[02:02] Prandar: more loot?
[02:02] MITZE: curse you bostock!!! *shakes fist*
[02:02] cobalt: one is bostock and one is you
[02:03] MITZE: no, both are bostock characters
[02:03] MITZE: more loot yes
[02:03] cobalt: bothtock

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[12:42] StNightmaer: you're in a pretty bad position there mic
[12:42] StNightmaer: the bitch corner would be approx 6 tiles west
[12:42] StNightmaer: but if the crows are already approaching might as well use what you have
[12:42] MITZE: Really? I thought it was where you were standing
[12:42] StNightmaer: Damn. Sick.
[12:43] Deathspell: 😁
[12:43] Moignus: damn
[12:43] Moignus: need ointment ster?

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[11:28] MITZE: noooo bostock
[11:29] MITZE: how could you lose with the power of passwall on your side
[11:29] BostocksAlt: summarily executed by my god
[11:29] Gwarl: easy just get instakilled by your patron
[11:29] wobbly: I guess bostock just isn't any good
[11:30] wobbly: it looked like a clear strategic error to me
[11:30] BostocksAlt: just never take damage
[11:30] cobalt: staying within reach of a god is strategic error?

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[11:34] BostocksAlt: Takeminata the Thunder breathed frost taking me to 40 health
[11:35] BostocksAlt: and my god said 'hey, let me reshape you'
[11:35] MITZE: "I can fix this"
[11:35] BostocksAlt: typical dead
[11:35] BostocksAlt: err dad
[11:35] MITZE: "I can do this"
[11:35] cobalt: XD
[11:35] MITZE: "I have the technology"

--

[21:04] QuickSpawn: A Jelly can also wear five DSMs.
[21:04] StNightmaer: can't just shuffle zul for a good craft dsm sadly
[21:04] MITZE: Now I'm just imagining one that's wearing one of each Red/White/Blue/Black/Green
[21:05] StNightmaer: Here: The Multi-Hued Jelly (j)
[21:05] MITZE: ^^^

--

[04:41] GwarlSucks: You know, I just realized
[04:42] GwarlSucks: Ruhmkorff, the Illumination rod in Steam, is magnatudes cheaper than the _Light analogue
[04:42] GwarlSucks: Like, it's 26 in the Black Market
[04:59] wobbly: probably stolen

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[11:56] BostocksAlt: noooooooooooooooooooooooooo
[11:56] MITZE: BOSTOCK
[11:56] MITZE: BOSTOCK YOU DIDNT
[11:56] BostocksAlt: thought i'd save the tedium of trudging across chameleon 45 with a teleport
[11:57] BostocksAlt: Amber blasted
[11:57] MITZE: oh phew
[11:57] MITZE: I thought you died
[11:58] MITZE: Serves you right, you knew the risks of teleporting on a Troika
[11:58] BostocksAlt: do you know
[11:58] BostocksAlt: how
[11:58] BostocksAlt: fucking
[11:58] BostocksAlt: tedious
[11:58] BostocksAlt: never
[11:58] BostocksAlt: teleporting
[11:58] BostocksAlt: is
[11:58] MITZE: Did you know bostock
[11:58] wobbly: really you should just wear crap gear all the time so nothing good gets blasted
[11:58] MITZE: that I played the psion fully exploring every level
[11:59] MITZE: Let me tell you about tedium
[11:59] MITZE: let me tell you about it bostock

--

[01:19] malcontent: @bron It looks like you are our best current hope for a defeat of Morgoth in the competition
[01:19] GwarlSucks: "no pressure bro"
[01:24] rodent: only you can save mankind, and elfkind, and hobbitkind, from morgoth's oppression
[01:26] malcontent: Help us Obi Bron Kenobi, you're our only hope

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[08:39] BostocksAlt: blood feast boosts your damage but you take damage on every hit
[08:39] BostocksAlt: i had it turned on and i was under my HP warning
[08:39] BostocksAlt: and i just wanted to get the last enemies in Old Castle over with
[08:39] BostocksAlt: I started auto-attacking the water trolls
[08:39] BostocksAlt: i died
[08:40] MITZE: Hey
[08:40] MITZE: hey bostock
[08:40] MITZE: does that death make you want to
[08:40] MITZE: slit your wrists

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[15:43] BostocksAlt: what the hell is chuntering
[15:43] Gwarl: haha
[15:43] Gwarl: as in
[15:43] GwarlSucks: Sounds like a movement verb
[15:43] Gwarl: chuntering from a sedentary position
[15:43] wobbly: sounds like a mix of chunder & stuter
[15:44] BostocksAlt: Combat-Echizen "Because it's time" chunters, 'Tonight, someone dies again…'
[15:44] BostocksAlt: i hate to say it wobbly but your suggestion is working
[15:45] wobbly: grumble monotoniously. move slowly and noisely. actually I think I've seen that in reference to trains
[15:45] BostocksAlt: > move slowly and noisily
[15:46] BostocksAlt: well he does move noisily
[15:46] BostocksAlt: goddammit lagspiked or whatever again
[15:47] GwarlSucks: Server can't handle all the chuntering

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[12:57] wobbly: also notepad++ was updating itself & I was trying to work out why it was installing nppband
[12:57] MITZE: Because it knows Gwarl isn't gonna put it on here :P
[12:58] rodent: I'm not familiar with notepad++ but if it automatically installs random angbands on your computer I approve of it
[12:58] MITZE: Notepad++: The Official Word Processor of Angband
[12:59] MITZE: For all your *banding needs.

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[16:52] BostocksAlt: the DEL failure message is my favorite quest failure message
[16:52] BostocksAlt: it's so non-judgmental
[16:52] MITZE: Post it
[16:53] BostocksAlt: The Dark Elven Lords (Morivant) (Level 25): The quest was more than you could handle.
[16:53] MITZE: That almost sounds
[16:53] MITZE: reassuring
[16:54] BostocksAlt: yeah
[16:54] MITZE: like the game's going "there, there, you'll do better next time"
[16:54] Gwarl: I don't react well to that quest ending message
[16:54] Gwarl: I find it impuning upon my honour
[16:54] MITZE: what honor
[16:55] rodent: that message doesn't need to be dramatic like if you fail to save a town from scary horrors
[16:55] Gwarl: the honor of not failing quests with an @ who yet draws breath
[16:55] Gwarl: or unbreath
[16:55] Gwarl: I don't think I've played many nonliving @'s
[16:55] rodent: (Hugo seems to actually want me to nuke towns if we fail to save them from scary horrors)
[16:55] MITZE: Sure you have
[16:56] MITZE: They just don't become unliving until the very end
[17:02] Gwarl: anyway I said nonliving mitze
[17:02] Gwarl: eg I don't frequently play as androids golems or automato
[17:02] MITZE: All @s get resurrected
[17:02] MITZE: why do you think there are so many skeletons and zombies in the dungeon
[17:03] MITZE: most of them are Hugo's
[17:03] BostocksAlt: All @s Go to Heaven
[17:03] BostocksAlt: A Heartwarming Disney Adventure
[17:03] MITZE: No, that's only for ones that manage to kill the J

--

[10:50] BostocksAlt: RFE: change hobbit racial power from create food to spam rockets if you're abloodknight
[10:50] BostocksAlt: with that exact name too
[10:50] BostocksAlt: "Spam Rockets"
[10:51] GwarlSucks: nonono
[10:51] GwarlSucks: "Create Spam"
[10:52] GwarlSucks: it just doesn't say what kind of spam
[10:53] BostocksAlt: Or: You use Spam Rockets. The spam rockets hit the kobold for 0 damage. (After killing the kobold You see here 99 rations of food.

--

[19:03] Melum: suggestion: I can combine multiple skeletons into a grotesque parody of life, in defiance of all the laws of man or God, and then ride it.
[19:03] Hgcwarrior: Sounds like Monday

--

[01:20] Rowan: how much do starting stats matter?
[01:20] SterTE4FCBBoonRLs: a lot, especially if someone forces you at gunpoint to start with 11 con
[01:21] MITZE: Who's forcing you to play roguelikes ster?
[01:21] MITZE: And to what end?
[01:22] MITZE: (yes I know what the actual context is, but the idea of someone holding a gun to your back and forcing you to roguelike is funny)
[01:22] SterTE4FCBBoonRLs: mitze - i know several texans so it's a very real possibility
[01:23] MITZE: Why would they force you to roguelike tho
[01:23] MITZE: Is it a death game
[01:23] MITZE: If you die in the game do you die in real life
[01:23] cobalt: if you die in real life do you die in a game
[01:24] rodent: no unless it's multiplayer and allows player vs. player and someone shows up to kill your @ while you are dead
[01:25] Oneiron: if life were a roguelike, I'd do a much better job at dying than I am right now

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[20:02] BostocksAlt: Carrying 50.9 pounds (31% capacity).
[20:02] BostocksAlt: rings are silly willies
[20:09] MITZE: I can't believe a ring can carry more than a mage
[20:10] BostocksAlt: ringardium leviosa

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[13:55] MITZE: Welp, bostock now has the power to pick up things at range
[13:56] BostocksAlt: sadly i have no significant stealth and no way to increase it
[13:57] BostocksAlt: at my leisure
[13:58] MITZE: just easily find ten million rings of archery
[13:59] MITZE: There you go bostock, one down
[13:59] MITZE: Nine million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hunred ninety-nine to go
[14:00] BostocksAlt: this is gonna be a long ride back from band camp
[14:01] MITZE: Ninety-nine archery rings on the ground
[14:01] MITZE: Ninety-nine archery rings
[14:01] MITZE: You pick one up, absorb its stuff
[14:01] BostocksAlt:
[14:01] MITZE: Ninety-eight archery rings on the ground

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[17:05] rodent: at some point I have to nerf weaponmasters and warlocks more thoroughly
[17:06] BostocksAlt: s/have/want/
[17:07] MITZE: bostock: "RFE you not nerf them until I win them all"
[17:07] MITZE: "Then you can nerf them as much as you like"

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[23:43] Hgcwarrior: what happens when a death sword eats a weapon?
[23:45] MITZE: @Hgcwarrior depending on what the weapon is it might get indigestion or hiltburn

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[09:38] wobbly: also hi
[09:39] MITZE: hi wobbly
[09:39] BostocksAlt: why hobbly
[09:40] MITZE: 'hobbly' sounds like a trollish butchering of hobbit
[09:41] BostocksAlt: dey're tekken de hobblys to Elgansorr!

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[16:51] BostocksAlt: lagspike
[16:52] MITZE: Sounds like the name of a randart polearm
[16:53] BostocksAlt: standart polearm
[16:54] BostocksAlt: hit this turn, do damage in ten turns

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[13:13] BostocksAlt: my favorite potato chips
[13:13] BostocksAlt: Lay's of Beleriand
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I took nearly two years to win with a single character in PosChengband.
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