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Old May 28, 2022, 08:04   #1
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The Five Wizards

I wrote this a couple of years ago to entertain my nieces and nephews.


From a high place in Caras Galadhon, Galadriel and Celeborn look out over the mallorn canopy. Bluefeather, an Eagle of Manw, approaches from over the mountains and alights on a branch.

Celeborn: Hail, swift-flying Eagle! What tidings from the West?

Bluefeather: Kyaw, kyaw! Sauron, now styling himself the Necromancer of Dol Guldur, has risen once again in shadowy might.

Galadriel: We know. Sauron has never stopped being a problem. I still can't believe the Valar let him just walk away after the War of Wrath. He's been totally unsupervised since then and it's been nothing but trouble.

Bluefeather: The Valar are taking charge of the situation. They are sending five Maiar to protect Middle-Earth.

Galadriel: About time! Sauron is but one Maia. I like these odds. I assume these five Maiar are each about as powerful as Sauron himself?

Bluefeather: No. Not at all, not even close. They each have special talents, though. For example, one of them is a master of shapes and of hues, a friend of plants and of animals. Kyaw!

Celeborn: Very good! And this Maia can train fierce animals to fight against Orcs?

Bluefeather: (checks notes) Yavanna didn't say anything about fierce animals. She just said that this guy is really good at shapes and hues. Top notch.

Celeborn: I hope he's good with fierce animals, too. The Orcs are all over the place. It would be nice if he could train tigers to eat them.

Galadriel: Tell us about the other four Maiar.

Bluefeather: Two of them are masters of disappearing. They can vanish without a trace.

Celeborn: They disappear... and then they attack?

Bluefeather: No, they just disappear. As soon as they enter Middle-Earth, they'll disappear forever. Hardly anybody will even remember their names.

Celeborn: I don't understand. How will they help us fight against Orcs? The Orc-raids have been a real bummer.

Bluefeather: (checks notes) There's nothing in my notes about that. All it says here is that nobody will ever know where they are or what they're up to.

Galadriel: Okay. These first three Maiar seem to be duds. The remaining two had better be extremely powerful.

Bluefeather: I've saved the two most powerful for last. One of them is a master of ancient lore and crafts. He is a deep strategist. He excels at raising a vast legion of Orcs and then viciously betraying his friends when they most need him.

Galadriel: Wait, what?

Bluefeather: (checks notes) That's what it says right here. Lore, crafts, legion of Orcs, betrayal --- he's brilliant at all of that.

Celeborn: Okay, hold on. We really need to lower the number of Orcs, not increase it. Could you make sure to pass that along to the Valar? I can't emphasize this enough. Fewer Orcs is better. I'll write it down for you. (writes) Here.

Galadriel: It sounds like the fate of Middle-Earth depends on the last Maia, who will hopefully be more helpful than the four you've told us about.

Bluefeather: Definitely. Big helper.

Galadriel: What's his special talent?

Bluefeather: He is a master of motivating Hobbits to travel.

Galadriel: Could you explain?

Bluefeather: He's basically a one-man Hobbit travel agency. He's world-class. If you ever need to send a bunch of Hobbits halfway around the world for any reason, he can get it done. He does dwarves, too. You might be surprised that Eru would have created a Maia with that particular power and that Manw would choose to send that particular Maia over here instead of just telling Tulkas to cram Sauron into a garbage can and kick him into outer space, but... such is Eru's creation, and such is Manw's judgment.

Celeborn: These Hobbits that are traveling, they wouldn't be a strong army of battle-hardened, well-armed Hobbit warriors, would they? With trebuchets and so forth? As I said, we're dealing with a lot of Orcs here.

Bluefeather: Nope, it's five Hobbits, total. (checks notes) No relevant experience, no weapons of any kind. So there you have it! The five Maiar sent to protect Middle-Earth. I've got to go now! Kyaw! (flies away)

Galadriel: I don't think Crdan is using his Ring of Power. Maybe we can ask him to give it to that Hobbit-motivating guy.

Celeborn: This Age is going to be a challenge.
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Old May 28, 2022, 08:32   #2
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Old May 28, 2022, 10:28   #3
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“We're more of the love, blood, and rhetoric school. Well, we can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and we can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and we can do you all three concurrent or consecutive. But we can't give you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory. They're all blood, you see.”
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Old June 8, 2022, 22:41   #4
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