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Old May 28, 2022, 07:04   #1
Djabanete
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The Five Wizards

I wrote this a couple of years ago to entertain my nieces and nephews.

***

From a high place in Caras Galadhon, Galadriel and Celeborn look out over the mallorn canopy. Bluefeather, an Eagle of Manw, approaches from over the mountains and alights on a branch.

Celeborn: Hail, swift-flying Eagle! What tidings from the West?

Bluefeather: Kyaw, kyaw! Sauron, now styling himself the Necromancer of Dol Guldur, has risen once again in shadowy might.

Galadriel: We know. Sauron has never stopped being a problem. I still can't believe the Valar let him just walk away after the War of Wrath. He's been totally unsupervised since then and it's been nothing but trouble.

Bluefeather: The Valar are taking charge of the situation. They are sending five Maiar to protect Middle-Earth.

Galadriel: About time! Sauron is but one Maia. I like these odds. I assume these five Maiar are each about as powerful as Sauron himself?

Bluefeather: No. Not at all, not even close. They each have special talents, though. For example, one of them is a master of shapes and of hues, a friend of plants and of animals. Kyaw!

Celeborn: Very good! And this Maia can train fierce animals to fight against Orcs?

Bluefeather: (checks notes) Yavanna didn't say anything about fierce animals. She just said that this guy is really good at shapes and hues. Top notch.

Celeborn: I hope he's good with fierce animals, too. The Orcs are all over the place. It would be nice if he could train tigers to eat them.

Galadriel: Tell us about the other four Maiar.

Bluefeather: Two of them are masters of disappearing. They can vanish without a trace.

Celeborn: They disappear... and then they attack?

Bluefeather: No, they just disappear. As soon as they enter Middle-Earth, they'll disappear forever. Hardly anybody will even remember their names.

Celeborn: I don't understand. How will they help us fight against Orcs? The Orc-raids have been a real bummer.

Bluefeather: (checks notes) There's nothing in my notes about that. All it says here is that nobody will ever know where they are or what they're up to.

Galadriel: Okay. These first three Maiar seem to be duds. The remaining two had better be extremely powerful.

Bluefeather: I've saved the two most powerful for last. One of them is a master of ancient lore and crafts. He is a deep strategist. He excels at raising a vast legion of Orcs and then viciously betraying his friends when they most need him.

Galadriel: Wait, what?

Bluefeather: (checks notes) That's what it says right here. Lore, crafts, legion of Orcs, betrayal --- he's brilliant at all of that.

Celeborn: Okay, hold on. We really need to lower the number of Orcs, not increase it. Could you make sure to pass that along to the Valar? I can't emphasize this enough. Fewer Orcs is better. I'll write it down for you. (writes) Here.

Galadriel: It sounds like the fate of Middle-Earth depends on the last Maia, who will hopefully be more helpful than the four you've told us about.

Bluefeather: Definitely. Big helper.

Galadriel: What's his special talent?

Bluefeather: He is a master of motivating Hobbits to travel.

Galadriel: Could you explain?

Bluefeather: He's basically a one-man Hobbit travel agency. He's world-class. If you ever need to send a bunch of Hobbits halfway around the world for any reason, he can get it done. He does dwarves, too. You might be surprised that Eru would have created a Maia with that particular power and that Manw would choose to send that particular Maia over here instead of just telling Tulkas to cram Sauron into a garbage can and kick him into outer space, but... such is Eru's creation, and such is Manw's judgment.

Celeborn: These Hobbits that are traveling, they wouldn't be a strong army of battle-hardened, well-armed Hobbit warriors, would they? With trebuchets and so forth? As I said, we're dealing with a lot of Orcs here.

Bluefeather: Nope, it's five Hobbits, total. (checks notes) No relevant experience, no weapons of any kind. So there you have it! The five Maiar sent to protect Middle-Earth. I've got to go now! Kyaw! (flies away)

Galadriel: I don't think Crdan is using his Ring of Power. Maybe we can ask him to give it to that Hobbit-motivating guy.

Celeborn: This Age is going to be a challenge.
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Old May 28, 2022, 07:32   #2
Nick
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Nailed it
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Old May 28, 2022, 09:28   #3
Ingwe Ingweron
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Hilarious!
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Old June 8, 2022, 21:41   #4
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Damm it's so great! Shared over discord channels Please write more!!
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