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Old July 1, 2010, 15:04   #1
buzzkill
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Onion, the Umber Hulk Hulk

Taking a break after my last serious game, I decided to try one of DaJ's novelty races, an Umber Hulk. Hulks cause earthquakes and confuse with nearly every hit, they aggravate constantly, and can tunnel at will. DaJ describes the Umber Hulk as a 'novelty' race and it appears to have a few bugs, but hasn't crashed or had a major failure yet. Although this particular Hulk has a decent INT, I going portray him as a moron just because of his title (and because it's more fun for me). This is my first experience with an Umber Hulk.

CHAPTER 1 - Mistaken for a Dumb Ogre

Me quickly see that all things I hit make earthquakes. Me can go through walls like they not even there. Onion can't wait to find vault that Onion's Mom tell him about. All the time earthquakes now getting Onion mad. Onion like Pepsi, but Onion spill most of it on face. Onion go through rock no problem, but Onion have harder time with door. No matter, Onion go around. Onion kill little green man and then get stronger. Onion drink other bottles, but they no taste good like Pepsi. They make Onion feel different. Now Onion wish it be easier to tunnel. Wish that Onion not have to press 'T' so often. Wish that just bumping in to wall make it fall down.

Onion finally figure out that digging in crooked lines work better when me is lost. Onion confused, some animals (snake) go through locked door without opening it. Wait, me no can be confused. Me kill little green man again and get stronger again. Me put on fancy red robe I find on ground. Onion finally find stairs but they take me back to town. Me thinks Onion know what me needs now. Onion gets lots of scrolls that finds things and stuff. Me go back down the stairs. Me trip and fall. Onion run away from some mouses but than there are lots of them so Onion kill them all. Onion good at killing lots of things.

Onion also kill mean doggie. Onion find lots of shiny things in the rock. Things easy to find now with scrolls from store. Me find stairs and fall down again. Oinion get mad when earthquakes and rocks fall and breaks stuff he likes to have. Onion find more stairs and goes down some more. Onion kill a green man and gets even stronger. Me figure out what paper tells me what stuff is. Onion kills lots of stuff, then Onion get strange message. It says "You have slain the <player> (offscreen)." Onion think it bug, but not able to eat it like other bugs. Onion find stick that magic projectiles come out of. Me use big word.

Me kill man in grey robes and get level five. What level five is? Onion go down stairs. Onion read pieces of paper, well me look at pictures on paper and next thing Onion know, Onion back in town. Onion no like. Killing things not fun in town. Onion have lots of gold but nothing good to buy in store, so me buy lots of little bottles for heroism. Now Onion hero like Onion's brother Lemon. Onion find shield, now Onion super hero. Me kill lots of goblins and nasty green snake and then feel better at doing stuff. Poison sucks. Onion kill little fairy and get better at doing stuff more. Onion find and smash forever a water that make me sleep. Onion look all over for stairs but can't see any. Onion look again and still no find. Onion look really hard and Onions eyes begin to bleed but still no find stairs, then Onion's light goes out. Stupid light. It work good for long time but now dark. Maybe it night time.
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Old July 1, 2010, 16:27   #2
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Hulks are a very fun class to play. Unless Earthquakes changed in that regard, you might have a hard time finding potions. In DaJ, items that are in range of the earthquake but not actually hit by rock still have a chance (depending on itemtype) to get destroyed, and that chance is 100% for potions iirc.
edit: it was actually 80% when I played

I afraid cannot say that in way onion understands. I sorry

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Old July 3, 2010, 04:12   #3
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Originally Posted by Matthias
I afraid cannot say that in way onion understands. I sorry
Onion understands, but you probably just stupid. Not all peoples can make lines that make words for Onion to know. Onion thinks that you probably read lots of books. That why you stupid. Onion no read books and always knows exactly what Onion says.

I fear I'm beginning to form a bond with this character. Not a strong enough bond to keep him alive. Just strong enough that I will miss him when he's gone.



CHAPTER 2 - Older, But No Wiser (and still ugly)

Onion read paper that go back to town but nothing happen. Oh, now me find stairs. It dark down here. Ouch, something sting Onion. Onion kill it, but it not die cause it sting me again. Me kill it again but it still sting me. Now me in town. Me need to get new light that works this time. Man at store tell me lamp not broken. I give gold and he make it work again. Onion buys big stick that makes whole room light up. Me look at pictures on paper and soon me back in dungeon again. Onion kills lots of little guys with swords and gets better at fighting and stuff. Onion goes down stairs. Lots of cows here. Onion kills em all but can't eat any, but it's OK cause Onion find paper that makes Onion not hungry.

Onion kills more little sword guys and gets better some more. Onion goes down stairs. Onion sees lots of friends, orcs. Orcs mad at Onion for some reason. Onion stands in center of room so he can kill them all faster, but Onion almost dies. Onion not able to make good earthquakes with orcs. Onion quickly make a tunnel and run away and keeps running away for a long time until no one follows him anymore. Onion remembers that he only had 1 HP left. Me try to remember to not let that happen again. Onion find some books but no pictures in them so me rip two in half at same time, but no one around to see incredible feat of strength.

Onion thinks that you should know that he be level 10 and on level 10. Onion decides he like the number 10 and wishes he knew what math was so he could wish that he could learn to add. Little robber steal me stuff. I think he die in earthquake but Onion can't find him or Onion's stuff. Maybe it all smashed up. Me find trees in dungeon. Onion can't make earthquake by trees. I kill bear there and get stronger. Me go down stairs but Onion miss home and stuff me is carrying is getting heavy. Maybe me go back home soon. Onion attacked by thieving rogues. Me lose lots of gold but kill them all. Onion wears new armour but can't take it off. Later Onion finds paper that lets Onion get rid of it.

Onion runs into rogue again. Doesn't want it stealing gold so Onion reads WoR and then last phase door. Onion lands in room full of rogues. Onion cries a little, but don't tell Onion's Dad, or Onion get a spanking. Now Onion back in town. I lament the 2600 GP lost to thieving rogues. Onion spend all his money and look at scroll with picture of dungeon on it. Pretty soon Onion is there. Onion thinks he finally getting the hang of these scrolls. Onion thinks his rammer, uh, grammar improving lots too.
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Old July 6, 2010, 18:42   #4
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CHAPTER 3 - What Onion Wants, Onion (No) Gets

Me find nothing good in town. Onion disappointed and spent all his gold on things me need to survive. Me still use Daddy's crappy mumak tusk for weapon. Maybe Onion get lucky soon. Back in dungeon Onion very busy, me kill silver worm, but get silver poison and not get as much XP as me thought. Kill lots of other stuff too and find the stairs going up. Me collects some items but is bored so Onion go up stairs.

This level boring too. Onion want to look and find stuff but poltergeist scare Onion. Me can't see things that are very hard to see so me read paper and see it, but it in wall, and then me no see it again. So, Onion run to only stairs he know about, up.

Now Onion in big room and goblins start to come, lots of them. Onion not afraid of goblins so Onion go to smash them, but Onion IS afraid. Now Onion scared cause there no other exits from room. Onion use stick of slowing and then do it again and then dig tunnel to get away. Onion uses brain and makes tunnel zig-zag and pretty soon me not so afraid no more. Onion take a break and eat mushroom and get extremely irritated. That what Onion wanted. Now me smash goblins good.

There lots more goblins and orcs too than Onion first thought. One wears crown and name tag says "Golfimbul". Onion sure that it's name cause he see it up close many times. He big orc but not so smart, he get confused like everyone else Onion hit. Onion fails to see irony of it all. Onion's brain starts to smoke as he come up with brilliant plan to kill big orc last so that earthquakes not break his fancy sword and crown and other stuff. Onion think that it will be easier said than done, but Onion manage to pull it off. Big orc drop only crappy scroll of light. Onion read it because Onion's Mom tell him never to waste food.

As Onion pick off stragglers, he assess his situation and notes the massive area of destruction he created. Onion think that maybe me wrote epic poem about battle, but doubt that anyone want to read about it. Onion fail to recognize irony again. Me uses stick that finds good stuff but it shows nothing. Onion wonders if stick not find things embedded in rock. Anyhow, Onion's bow that Onion find earlier seems most excellent now and powerful too. If Onion knew numbers he would probably say it something like +21. Now if Onion only had arrows instead of stupid rocks. Onion try to shoot rock but it drop on Onion's foot and smash only toe he have left.

Onion goes down stairs and right away find pretty necklace and smashes it. Me not need pretty things. Me not pretty girl. Me butt ugly. Me figure there not much to see here and go down stairs pretty fast. Me all out of ID and just want to fill pack so I can go back to town. Onion find potion that make me slow so then me read WoR. I kill lots of stuff too, but tire of telling you about it all. Monsters no like Onion a lot, so you can assume that Onion always killing lots of stuff even if Onion not say so. Me get yanked back to town in middle of fight me was winning. Onion hate when that happen.
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Old July 7, 2010, 02:29   #5
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I almost never read the details stories that people post about their characters, but this one is very entertaining! The language reminds me of a RP Orc Warrior named Bonk I made in WoW one time. You can imagine what he did all the time...

And I agree it's a neat idea to have Umber Hulks automatically break a wall if moved into it as if it weren't there, instead of requiring a tunnel action. Much like ghosts can walk through walls in some variants.
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Old July 8, 2010, 00:56   #6
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I've seen that bug which says "You have slain the <player> (offscreen)." It seems to be trying to do damage to a monster which isn't in that space anymore, but I hadn't figured out how to fix it yet. I'll have a look at it again, but not till mid August
Some very small, gaseous, or slime monsters can move underneath closed doors.
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Old July 8, 2010, 04:42   #7
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CHAPTER 4 - Onion on the Wise and Fall

Onion decided to work smarter, not dumber. There no CCW in town so I get CSW instead. Me buy necklace that makes me more alert and buy lots of other stuff so I can learn about it. Me get bolts for crossbow, then realize that it not crossbow and go back and buy arrows instead. Me so stupid sometimes. Now me shoot for 40+ damage and Onion's shooting not terrible and shooting no makes earthquakes and smashes stuff. Me recall.

Onion now on level 12 and nothing here. Not much to kill. Me go down again. Onion hurt hairy monster and monster run away. Then Onion open door and suddenly Onion can't move. Me frozen in place. Then Onion hear something moving faster in the darkness. Onion thinks, but nothing happens, and I got no where to run to, run to, run to, run to. Huh, oh, Onion step back and shut door. But door open again and evil druid step through. Onion confuse druid but still not feel safe. Druid wander around and Onion shoot it dead. Onion not as good with bow as he thought.

I find the stairs, but then attacked by orcs. Just some at first, but then lots. Onion think that maybe there be a orc with a crown on his head nearby. After killing some Onion find a nifty axe. It not only chop wood, but chop *dragons* real good too. Onion feels bold and extra handsome with axe in his hands and uses it to chop orcs too. Onion having fun killing stuff but then acid jelly comes fast and Onion has to phase to stay away from it.

Onion end up in room with little garden gnome, and orcs and other things too. Then little gnome invite a lot of friends and Onion suddenly in bad situation as lots of wargs bite me. Wargs much meaner in DaJ than in Vanilla. Oh, and little gnome slow me down too. Little bastard. Me almost dead when *lucky* phase land me further away. Onion able to confuse warg that is chasing me and Onion makes to to stairs going up. Lucky earthquake seals Onion off from rest of enemies, so Onion rest then go back for more.

Stupid Onion. Well, things going OK, then no more enemies, so me leave stairs to go look for more. Pretty soon me surrounded and almost dead again. Me read WoR and pray and hope for the best. Pretty soon me run out of phase door but Onion must have said prayers good because somehow Onion barely survive. Me in town now. Stay tuned for shopping.
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Old July 9, 2010, 03:57   #8
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CHAPTER 5 - Love Thy Enemies

Onion poor, so not able to buy much, just the stuff me need. Me did manage to learn a few new flavors and replace some of my acid damaged armour. Onion in disguise as mage. Onion's AC a whopping 9 now. Me study recall and soon back in dungeon.

Onion find baby dragon right away on level 13, and new axe work real good on it. Before me get very far, me find orcs. Me remember what happened last time so me confuse one and run away and dig a tunnel to the stairs. When me get very close to stairs, me find more orcs, and Radbug too. Me not very scared, but that often the case just before me almost die.

When Onion sees a wolf spider, Onion get scared. Onion not want to be frozen again so me reads WoR. Later Onion pretty sure spider got smashed so me reads WoR again and that leave me with only 1 left. Onion figure out that staff of sleep monsters is useless, so Onion squelches it. Me kill lots of orcs, and see a cloak and maul nearby that survive many earthquakes. Maybe Onion stupid, but me thinks that if Onion can get that stuff then maybe Onion be happy.

Onion eventually make it to cloak and to stairs too and kill Radbug too, but me not out of woods yet. Me put on cloak and it no worse than old cloak, maybe better. Me grab sandals that me think were Radbug's, but Onion can't find the maul that he talk about earlier. Onion find leather armour on ground and put it on instead of robes. Now Onion no more look like mage. Maybe things be scared of me again now. Onion get to rest to full power then goes out exploring some more.

Me wishes that stairs not disappear from map once Onion knows where they are. Sometimes when Onion makes earthquake stairs that are close go away on map, but they still there. Onion know they still there, they just not on map anymore, so Onion has to go look for them again. Not a big deal because Onion usually close by, but still. Onion thinks he know what happening. Onion think that rocks fall on stairs, then stairs go away, but then stairs come back again because they stairs.

Onion figure out the Radbug's sandals are terrible. Me not know exactly what wrong with them, but me get rid of them. Now me find Ulfast. Onion far from stairs so Onion retreat as Onion fights. Ulfast dies good and drops iron shots. Onion kill Bill Ferny too, but that not important. Onion come to conclusion that he really need some sort of monster detection and that, unlike most adventurers, dungeon level actually get safer the longer that Onion is there, because Onion kills stuff faster than RNG can replace it. Onion sees some level clearing in his future. Time to go deeper now.

Me easily make it to down stairs on level 14, then, as usual, me wander away. Onion find potion of speed and kill group of demons, but nothing happening here, so I take the stairs.

Stairs right here where me starts on level 15, and monsters too. I grab a dagger but then lots of orcs come. When Onion sees a fire orc, then Onion read his last scroll of recall. Me not want it to get burned up. Me kill orcs while waiting and pretty soon me back in town.

Onion buys a shield of resist lightening. I know it sound like a stupid thing to buy, but it's not very much gold and me not find stuff like this in dungeon, and Onion need AC (now 23), and resists (fire, cold, elec now covered), and not have shield at all before. Black market has lots of nice rings but Onion poor.
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Old July 9, 2010, 17:39   #9
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Given the fights you have seen, the staff of Sleep Monsters may not be useless. It would allow you to plug up a corridor to retreat without causing Earthquakes. At least until you get more detection or speed. Would make it easier to kill those unique orcs, etc.
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Old July 11, 2010, 07:20   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zikke View Post
Given the fights you have seen, the staff of Sleep Monsters may not be useless. It would allow you to plug up a corridor to retreat without causing Earthquakes. At least until you get more detection or speed. Would make it easier to kill those unique orcs, etc.
Duh. Onion not idiot. Wait. Me forgot what me going to say. Oh, now me member. Onion think same thing as you. That why me buy it. Then me find out it no good cause Onion always aggravating everything around me.

CHAPTER 6 - Green Hulk on the Loose

Level 15 treats Onion pretty good. Me find lots of stuff, not sure how good stuff is, but not almost die either. Onion go down stairs and find gelatinous cube right next to me. It not touch me at all because me run to nearest stairs, up. Back on 15 Onion senses a cluster of items in the south east corner. Onion go see. The wands, 3 of 'em were lightening bolt. Me have a 75% chance of using so me keep. The 2 scrolls Onion not know about be cursed. Everything else junk. Onion kill a greater poltergeist and a druid. Like so many of my ancestors, me like killing druids. Me mine some gold, then go to stairs and go down them.

There really no reason for me to stay on level 16. I find stairs right away and nothing really good here, but Onion want level 17 before he goes deeper. If Onion picks up mediocre items, then Onion probably get it. Well, Onion kill bear and get better at doin' stuff right away, but me continue to look around. As soon as Onion say that, homunculus find me. Me phase and read recall, but then Onion kill it dead. Oh well.

Nothing good to buy but rings at the black market that me still can't afford. Onion save most of my gold, just restock and recall. As soon as I land in dungeon me find teleport paper. It not great, but better than last scrolls that Onion find. Onion go off in search of treasure when, you guess it, me find orcs, lots of 'em. After a while Azog show up. Me hurt by then, but me still want to kill him. It just be harder. Me never get to go one on one with Azog. Always interrupted my his friends. Onion teleport away after a while.

Pretty soon me find more orcs. Then me find another umber hulk. I wonder if we will be friends, but he not like me either. After while me find Wormtounge and The Great Goblin. I want to kill them too but it same old song and dance. Too many friends getting in the way. I find mushroom and it makes me terrified so me read recall and go home. Onion can almost buy ring of FA, but not quite. Stupid Wormtounge stealed my gold. Restock and recall. If it seem like Onion recalling a lot, that because Onion is.

Onion still using a maul of *slay dragon*, 1 blow/21 per versus others.
Onion AC is 31, rFire (ring), rCold (ring), rElec (shiled), nothing else.
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Last edited by buzzkill; July 11, 2010 at 15:30.
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