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Old April 12, 2010, 01:47   #1
Nemesis
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The Haven - an Angband-themed parody of Poe's The Raven

As everyone liked my first Angband poem (*Bandersnatchy, based on Jabberwocky by Lewis Carrol) I decided to do a sequel. I hope you like this one too, it was rather tricky to write as English isn't my first language and Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" has a rhyme scheme that's a real bitch to handle. One has to come up with groups of three feminine (two syllable) rhymes crammed into small spaces two times per stanza and all masculine rhymes have to rhyme with "Lenore".

It would be nice to hear what you think of my writing in English, I write quite a lot of poetry in my Swedish mothertongue and consider myself pretty good at that, but poetically expressing myself in foreign language is way harder!

The Haven

Once upon a midnight dreary, played some Angband weak and weary,
soon to see the cemetary with my half-orc rogue Lenore.
I was nodding, nearly napping, played with lots of double tapping,
rod-detection rarely zapping, safety mesures oh so poor.
I was careless, stupid, fearless, safety measures oh so poor.
I was careless, nothing more.

Ah, distincly I remember, it was in the bleak december,
each and every forum member, said they'd seen it all before.
Players getting bored and risky, getting silly, getting frisky,
playing tired or drunk from whiskey, getting what they're asking for.
That's exactly what I did, I got what I was asking for.
Grim demise and nothing more!

Knowing not her end was nearing, she was haughty, nothing fearing,
foolish and insanely daring, one-girl-army off to war.
Then she met a mystic master, she was fast but he was faster,
soon she got knocked out - disaster! - that is how I lost Lenore.
That is how I lost my love, the sweet, sweet half-orc rogue Lenore.
I shall play her nevermore!

My Lenore was level fifty, she was stealthy, she was shifty,
had amassed some loot so nifty from her foes and from the floor.
Nonetheless Lenore got toasted, she got whacked and she got roasted,
on the forum then I posted what they'd all been waiting for.
As I didn't heed their warnings, my demise they waited for.
Now they don't wait anymore.

Saw her dump upon the ladder, thought back to time I had her,
never in my life felt sadder, never felt so sad before.
But I found a heav'nly haven, saw a well-known Angband maven,
who had died just like a craven, on his way to Gen'ral Store
He got killed by squint eyed rogues when on his way the gen'ral store,
laugthed so hard my throat got sore!

With my heart no longer bleeding, on misfortune I am feeding,
at my ladder-haven reading Angband's entertaining lore.
Liberated from my sadness, reveling in others' badness,
carelessness and risky madness, nevermind that lost Lenore.
Stupid deaths of others made my quit lamenting my Lenore.
Schadenfreude evermore!

Nemesis
April 12, 2010

Last edited by Nemesis; May 12, 2010 at 18:33.
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Old April 12, 2010, 02:19   #2
Pete Mack
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Love it.
Schadenfreude evermore!
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Old April 12, 2010, 03:37   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nemesis View Post
Once upon a midnight dreary, played some Angband weak and weary,
soon to see the cemetary with my half-orc rogue Lenore.
I was nodding, nearly napping, played with lots of double tapping,
rod-detection rarely zapping, safety mesures oh so poor.
I was careless, stupid, fearless, safety measures oh so poor.
I was careless, nothing more.
Without reading any further, I must say it's brilliant. As a native English speaker, I suddenly feel inferior. Must go read the rest.
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Old April 12, 2010, 03:49   #4
Nemesis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buzzkill View Post
Without reading any further, I must say it's brilliant. As a native English speaker, I suddenly feel inferior. Must go read the rest.
Thanks! I hope you feel the same for the rest of it (not that your inferior, but that it's brilliant! ).

It's nice to hear native English speakers "reviewing" the poem! Especially when the reviews are positive.
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Old April 12, 2010, 04:16   #5
Sirridan
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And now for the short, limericked version:

Code:
There once was a rogue named Lenore,
Who's fate was found to be poor,
She got in a bout,
The mystic knocked her out,
And her hp went right out the door.
But in all seriousness, excellent writing! I enjoyed it thoroughly!
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Old April 12, 2010, 04:33   #6
will_asher
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I propose that Nemesis' poems be added to the Funnies (which really should be called Fun/ Cool stuff) tab of oook.
for posterity.

(Then again most of the stuff currently under the funnies tab isn't really in the same category.., but this should be kept somewhere anyway)
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Old April 12, 2010, 04:53   #7
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Excellent, again. I particularly like the third verse.
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Old April 12, 2010, 05:00   #8
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Originally Posted by Nick View Post
Excellent, again. I particularly like the third verse.
I like the second, it is what is usually leading up to my characters' deaths.
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Old April 12, 2010, 17:49   #9
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As another native speaker, I have to echo what Buzzkill said. If you hadn't mentioned that your first language was Swedish I would never have guessed.

As difficult as you say Poe's meter was to follow, I can't imagine that "Jabberwock/*Bandersnatch" would have been much easier. Yes, the meter is simpler but it's written almost entirely in nonsense language, and to imitate that and still sound English can't have been easy.
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Old April 12, 2010, 20:54   #10
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I am stunned at the literary creativity in this work. I liked the Bandersnatch poem because it was funny and pretty creative, but this one is beautiful.

Bravo!
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